their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
