He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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