:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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