I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
