what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
