how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
