I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
