Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
