Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
