We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
