You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
