He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
