Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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