I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
