We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My penis needs a shock collar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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