I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
