How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
