so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
