I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
