The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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