Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
