can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
