i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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