bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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