On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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