we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
