when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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