I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
