i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
