That's intense
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
