as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
