i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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