On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
