A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
