Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
