she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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