just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
