I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
