I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
