There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
