I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
