I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
