she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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