I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
