Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
