I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
