dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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