great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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