remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
