When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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